This chapter discusses what to avoid in online pastoral care. It emphasizes the importance of a non-judgmental approach, steering clear of doctrinal debates, respecting diverse beliefs and refraining from making promises on behalf of God. The chapter provides practical guidance on maintaining an accepting environment and focusing on support rather than theological disputes. It highlights the significance of building relationships through online pastoral care before engaging in doctrinal discussions. The central theme is to respect individuals' unique spiritual journeys while offering loving support, guidance and prayer.
Avoiding a Judgmental Approach
Emphasizing a non-judgmental and accepting approach in online pastoral care is crucial for fostering a safe and supportive environment. This approach allows individuals to share openly without fear of judgment or criticism. Jesus exemplified a non-judgmental approach in his interactions. In the story of the woman caught in adultery (John 8:1-11), when the crowd wanted to stone her, Jesus responded with compassion and non-judgment. He said, "Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her." By doing so, he prevented the judgmental crowd from condemning her and emphasized the importance of mercy and understanding in pastoral care.
Avoiding Assumptions: Avoid making assumptions to prevent misunderstandings and promote open communication in pastoral care.
Expressing Understanding: Demonstrate understanding by using language that acknowledges the individual's feelings and experiences, regardless of differences.
Scenario: When someone shares a struggle or doubt that might be controversial or outside of your own experiences, respond with phrases like, "I hear what you're saying and understand that this is a challenging situation for you. How can I support you through this?"
By adopting a non-judgmental and accepting approach, digital missionaries create a more inclusive, empathetic and supportive online environment. This approach not only aligns with the Christian principle of unconditional love but also encourages a deeper and more honest engagement from those seeking guidance and support.
Avoiding Engagement in Doctrinal Debates
In online pastoral care, it's crucial to focus on providing support and guidance rather than engaging in doctrinal debates, which can lead to division and distraction. By concentrating on building relationships through online pastoral care, we open the door to deeper, more meaningful interactions. Once a solid relationship foundation is established, we can then invite individuals to doctrinal discussions. This approach, grounded in open hearts and stronger relationships, is more effective than initiating such discussions at the online pastoral care stage.In his ministry, Jesus often avoided engaging in doctrinal debates as the initial approach. Instead, he prioritized building relationships and meeting people's immediate needs. For example, in the encounter with the Samaritan woman at the well (John 4), Jesus initially focused on her spiritual thirst and offered living water rather than delving into theological debates about worship. By establishing a connection first, he created an opportunity for deeper discussions later, illustrating the importance of relationship-building in pastoral care.
Steering Conversations Away from Doctrinal Debates:
Acknowledge the Question or Concern: "I understand this is an important issue for many. Our main focus here is to provide support and guidance."
Redirect to Personal Experience: "While doctrinal discussions can be valuable, I'm more interested in hearing about your personal experiences and how I can support you in your spiritual journey."
Offer to Discuss Separately: "This is a complex topic. Perhaps we can explore this in a different setting or I can recommend some resources for you to consider."
Avoiding the Imposition of Personal Beliefs
Respecting diverse beliefs is essential in pastoral care. Our role is to guide and support, not to impose our beliefs. Through this digital evangelism project, we encounter individuals from various religious backgrounds. Our ultimate goal is to invite them to the church and hope they accept Jesus as their personal savior. However, online pastoral care is the first step in building these relationships.In the context of avoiding the imposition of personal beliefs, Jesus demonstrated this principle in his interactions with people of different faiths.
For example, in the same story of the Samaritan woman at the well (John 4) he initially engaged in a conversation about living water without imposing his beliefs. Instead, he allowed her curiosity to lead to deeper discussions about faith. It highlights the importance of nurturing connections and respecting diverse beliefs in online pastoral care.
A testament to this approach is my experience with a Buddhist lady I met during our digital evangelism efforts. She continuously asked for prayer, fully aware that we were Christian. Over time, her curiosity about our religion grew, leading her to initiate a request for Bible study before we even suggested it. This story highlights the importance of nurturing connections and respecting each individual's journey, allowing them the space and time to explore faith organically.
Scenario: You are a digital missionary engaging with an individual who practices a different religion. Your goal is to build a respectful and supportive relationship without imposing your beliefs.
Seeker: "I follow [mention religion]. It's essential for me, but I have some questions about spirituality."
Digital Missionary: "I appreciate your openness. I'm here to listen and support you in your spiritual exploration, regardless of your beliefs. Let's explore your questions and journey together, respecting your unique path."
Avoiding Promises on Behalf of God
It is crucial in pastoral care to avoid definitive statements or promises on behalf of God to prevent misunderstandings and potential disappointments. Recognize that sometimes God's timing differs from ours, and occasionally receiving no answer is, in itself, an answer. We must be cautious not to promise specific outcomes.
However, remember that we can always offer encouragement through God's Scripture. Encouragement, rooted in biblical truths, is different from making promises. It provides hope and strength without the risk of misrepresenting God's will or creating unrealistic expectations. In this way, we respect the individual journey of faith, acknowledging that God works in diverse and often unexpected ways in each person's life.
Focus on Prayer and Support: "Let's pray for guidance and strength in this situation. We trust in God's wisdom and love to lead us through."
Encourage Trust in God's Plan: "While we can't know all of God's plans, we can trust that He has our best interests at heart. Let's focus on seeking His guidance together."
Offer Comfort without Assumptions: "I can't say for certain what God's plan is, but I can assure you of His unchanging love and presence in your life."
It's important for digital missionaries to avoid doctrinal debates, imposing personal beliefs or making promises on behalf of God. The focus should always be on providing loving support, guidance and prayer, respecting the individual's unique spiritual journey.